And the stars they glisten, glisten, Seeming with bright eyes to listen - For what listen they?

sometimes at night, when i'm walking, i stare up at orion's belt - three gems in a row - and open my mouth - as if to drink down the starlight and the cold wet air and the smell of brush fires. and something inside me sings out to those stars. and i fully expect them to reply.

i used to think the big dipper was my favorite constellation, but that's because it was the only one i knew. draco was my favorite while i was on a dragon kick. but orion - we have a history. i've seen a shooting star fall from his hand. he has never left me, never faltered. there's something about his near-human symmetry that resonates with me. and he's a warrior. every princess deserves a warrior to fight for her. he's my ally - halfway, protective, watching over me when i'm most vulnerable - in the dark, in sleep.

Grief not, rather find, strength in what remains behind.

Rain falling through magnolia trees -
slow, hollow plips -
on the down-turned leaves.

From behind, I watch you -
you tuck a hand in your jacket
and sigh.
Your breath hangs heavy
in the wet, thick air -
for a moment,
your spirit has escaped
and I am afraid for you.

You are so frail,
your shadow gaunt on the curves
of pavement,
haloed in copper mist.

But in your footsteps
I hear the steel echoes
of assurance -
it is penned on your wrists
and tattooed on your heart.

Then I am you
again
and the weight of lambskin
and the damp cool of midnight
and the space between breaths
settle on my shoulders
again.

We cry, that we are come to this great stage of fools.

Do you ever think of your life like a movie that's being filmed? And you're the star? I'm convinced we all do, though most of us will deny it vehemently. (Perhaps because in the script, the character description reads, "modest and self-deprecating"?)

I've come to realize that Pandora is the soundtrack to my life. I've created stations that should be renamed after my moods or life scenarios. For instance, the "Pink" station should be renamed "Bitch." "Andrea Bocelli" should be "Romance." "Needtobreathe" is "Main Theme." "ELO" is "Flashback."

I've been thinking a lot about the movie "Stranger than Fiction." I need to rewatch it. The concept of someone's life being moved (or scripted?) by another person (or Person?) is fascinating. And then to see the character become aware of the Author, to witness the struggle between the Author's will and the character's desires...it is The Story, told over and over again in each of our lives.

To be able to step outside myself as "Jess" and see myself as "character" suddenly lends a new perspective to the choices I make and the events that take place in my life. Of course, I question the Author - who doesn't? But what I've come to understand is this: I do not know how this story ends. What I'm being asked to do is simple; I have a choice. Do I attempt to write my own ending based on my blindered view as "character," or do I relinquish control of that which I cannot control anyway and trust the Author to complete my story perfectly? Simple, and still the most difficult choice I will ever make. Yet I'll make it again and again and again.